What is the Wheel Of Consent?
Put simply it’s the life skill you’ve always wished you had.
Developed through several decades of practical application, the Wheel Of Consent® is a simple, powerful tool to help you navigate your relationships with clarity and choice.
Those who've worked with me have described it as
"Radical and life-changing"
I'm Michael Dresser
How can the Wheel Of Consent help you?
Better relationships, stronger boundaries, clearer communication skills. Improve your relationship with touch.
The Wheel Of Consent offers a practical, body-based approach for navigating interactions with family, friends, partners, even work colleagues.
Why is consent a life skill?
Consent is also often only discussed in terms of sex. But I believe if you want to be able to create consent in the bedroom you need to be able to create it everywhere else first.
Consent is not simply about one person saying yes. It's the agreement between two or more people about what will or won’t happen in any interaction.
And – just as importantly – the understanding of who it is for.
Learn with me
If you're looking for a Wheel Of Consent coach there are lots of ways you can learn with me, either online or in the same room:
For individuals and couples
Workshops and self-study
Want to dip your toe in the water?
My self-study course Learn To Touch - Without Touching Anyone Else is the ideal way to learn one of the core Wheel Of Consent practices at your own pace, in the comfort of your own home. Discover a whole new approach to touch that will change how you feel - literally - in just 6 modules.
Some ways you can start using the Wheel Of Consent
Anxious about re-engaging with interactions after lockdown? Here are 3 simple ways you can help yourself – and others – feel more comfortableRead More
From the bedroom to the boardroom (and everywhere else as well) – when you start to use these 6 little words, you may be surprised by how useful you find them!Read More
How do you navigate?
In any interaction – from the boardroom to the bedroom – it’s possible to experience giving and receiving in four very different ways. The Wheel Of Consent helps take these apart and get clear about what you really want from the exchange.
Do you know what you want? (what you really, really want)
Would you be able to ask for the most amazing touch you could think of right now? Or would it be easier to settle for something ‘safe’, something simply ‘OK’?
It often feels awkward to accept a gift without any need to give something return. It can feel like we’re being selfish.
Yet learning to receive a truly no-strings gift can be immensely healing, and is probably one of the best ways to achieve a feeling of self-worth and self-acceptance.
How often do you go along with something you don’t want?
We live in a world that forces us to endure lots of things without our full consent – hugs, adverts, behaviour from those around us which doesn’t take into account our own needs.
Most of us are so used to putting up and shutting up that we no longer know what our limits really are.
But when you know you have a genuine choice about what you allow then Allowing becomes a gift you can give freely: access to you, on your own terms.
Does ‘Taking’ feel like it's become a bit of a dirty word?
Taking often brings to mind invasive or aggressive behaviour. Getting something by whatever means necessary – which usually also means without consent.
Think of that person who steals a hug from you without checking whether you’re up for it.
But if you get agreement from the other person first, Taking can be a healthy thing - identifying, and looking after your own needs; nourishing yourself by listening to and responding to your desires.
Ever done something in order to get something in return?
We tend to think of Serving as ‘doing’ something ‘for’ someone else. But if you answered yes to the above question, you'll know we often do things for ourselves as much as for others!
If the other person doesn’t want what you’re offering you may feel rejected by them, or they may feel obligated.
When we learn to identify what we truly want for ourselves first, it then becomes possible to choose to set it aside for the benefit of another person – and genuinely start Serving.
Wheel Of Consent - the book
The #MeToo movement has exposed the pervasiveness of boundary violations in modern culture. The Wheel of Consent offers a deeply nuanced way to practice consent as an agreement that brings integrity, responsibility, and empowerment into human interaction, starting with touch and relationships.
In this definitive book, Betty Martin, creator and coach of the Wheel Of Consent, guides you through its framework, and shares 'pleasure-forward' practices to help you recover the ability to notice what you want and set clear boundaries.
What people say about working with me as a Wheel Of Consent coach:
"100% recommend everyone to do this, for improved relationships ... it should be taught in schools!"
"A powerful, deep learning experience. I appreciate the gentleness of Michael’s approach"
"I feel I’ve gained a piercing insight into the complexities of relationships and agreements!"
"The Wheel of Consent transformed my approach to getting my needs met"
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